EwHarmony

I recently signed up for eHarmony in a fit of desperate curiosity. For those of you lucky enough to not know how eHarmony works, I'll tell you. You spend about five hours answering a crapton of personal questions, eHarmony compiles a personality profile on you, then emails you a bunch of possible matches based on that profile. Science and romance, a match made in hell.

Yesterday eHarmony matched me with somebody who, by all accounts, was perfect. The right age, funny, successful, not bad looking, a gentleman who is very nice, in the immediate area, has the same personal and moral values as me, oh, and he has a great family. Yes, that's right, a great family. I know because HE IS MY COUSIN! EHarmony matched me with MY COUSIN. Call me crazy, but I think it's creepy to date a person who shares a set of grandparents with you. Talk about a fawkward family reunion.

I went through a barrage of emotions when I clicked the link and saw my cousin's face smiling back at me. It started off with confusion, quickly followed by sheer horror, which was eventually replaced with hysterical laughing. I hurriedly closed the match and looked for a reason that best seemed to fit the situation. Sadly, eHarmony doesn't offer "This person is a blood relative," so I looked a little harder. "Our family backgrounds seem too different" certainly didn't fit the bill, so I settled on "I'm not ready to take the next step." Lord, that was the truth. I sent my cousin a text saying he was one of my matches and asking when he was going to take me out. We had a good laugh and, I like to think, silently agreed never to speak of it again.

Later that night I gave my mom my login information and told her to have a good time trying to find me a date. I just can't deal with it anymore.