Egg Watch: 2010

Friday night I talked to my mom on the phone. Our conversation steered toward my birds (as so often it does), and I mentioned that Chauncy was hunkered down in the corner of the cage bottom, acting like it was a nest or something. "The dumb bird thinks he's going to lay an egg," I said. "Maybe he's sick?" Mom suggested. "Nah, he's not sitting like he's sick, he's sitting like he's brooding."

Even though the fine folks at the pet store assured me Chauncy was a male when I bought him, I have suspected for the past few months that he is actually a she. Ever since I brought Olive home, my kitchen has looked like the set of a bird porn video with Olive and Chauncy getting busy every chance they got. What was surprising was that Olive (who is supposed to be female and now I'm not so sure--jury's still out on that one) was the one attacking Chauncy (who is supposed to be male). Chauncy's sex was made undeniably clear Saturday morning, however when I came downstairs and discovered an egg--AN EGG--on the cage floor.

I panicked.

I went through the phases everyone must go through when faced with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy (or "eggnancy" as one bird enthusiast dubbed it). First I was shocked and incredulous. Next all I could think was "Get rid of it! How can I get rid of it?!" Then I decided to get informed and spent a significant amount of time online and with my cockatiel books reading about nesting and chick-raising and so on and so forth. I guess you could call that step acceptance. Finally, the more I thought about it, I got kind of excited and started hoping Chauncy's little egg would hatch. I'm still in that final phase. Hatch, little egg! Hatch!

Let me tell you a few things I've learned about cockatiel eggs and babies over the past 48 hours. First, cockatiel books extensively cover what actions you should take when your breeding is planned: get a nest box, introduce the happy couple, they get busy, etc. But NOWHERE in these books is the chapter "So You've Ruined Your Life: Dealing with Unplanned Eggnancy." It's like the radical Right infiltrated all the cockatiel books and refused to even acknowledge that some eggs might not be a happy occasion. Thank heaven for the internet, where I learned that you should leave the eggs there, for heaven's sake, or your bird will just keep laying more and more until she dies of calcium deficiency.

I also learned that Chauncy will not lay just the one egg; she will lay one egg every other day until she reaches a full clutch of about four to six eggs. Baaaaaaallllllllsssss. Okay, okay. So, I would imagine this is like getting knocked up on your prom night and then finding out you're having quintuplets. While I was all for one egg hatching, now I'm not so sure. I mean, I would love for the little eggies to hatch and to have lots of ugly, awkward cockatiel babies, but what on earth am I supposed to do with them? It's not realistic to keep them, right? Especially when my cockatiel-sexing abilities are currently 1/2 (and soon to be 0/2 if Chauncy's eggs are viable). I thought I could separate the boys into one cage and the girls into another, but what if I'm wrong (again)? More eggs? More babies?! WHEN WILL IT END?!

I thought that I could give the babies away or sell them, but there's no way I can let somebody I don't know take them. I already love those little eggs (Chauncy laid her second egg this morning), and I'm sure it's going to be even worse if/when chicks come out of them. I would honestly rather spring for another cage or two and increase my bird food budget than let one of my animals go into a home where they might not be well taken care of. But I guess I have another three weeks or so before I even need to think about it. The eggs might not be fertilized, in which case all my worry will be for nothing.

But wouldn't it be exciting to have a bunch of ugly cockatiel babies?