Treadmilling

This is my treadmill (see right). You can tell this is really my treadmill and not some picture I stole online because nobody would proudly post a picture of a TV (and a tiny one, at that) mounted above a treadmill with all the ugly wires showing. That's not how fancy-pants people roll, you know. I, however, am not a fancy pants and I am also too lazy to do anything other than wrap a twisty around the cords to keep them contained, so you can rest assured that this is indeed my treadmill and television.

That said, I'd like to share with you my theory on treadmilling and television watching. I love watching television. I hate treadmilling. "Maybe I won't hate treadmilling so much if I hang a TV in front of it," I thought to myself. Ironically, the TV didn't make me like treadmilling more, it made me like watching TV less. TV is really only truly enjoyable if you're slouched on the couch (preferably with a Diet Coke and/or treat/full-blown meal in-hand). Anything else is just a farce. Include sweaty, breathless exercise into the mix and you've totally ruined it. Sort of like pooping on a hot-fudge sundae; you don't even want to eat around the ruined parts.

In order to make the treadmill palatable I have to get geared up like I'm going on a plane trip. I arm myself with every type of media known to man to keep myself distracted enough to realize I'm getting exercise. Like giving your dog her heartworm medicine in a giant scoop of peanut butter. By the time she's worked it all off the roof of her mouth she hasn't even realized she's taken that tiny pill she spit out ten times before you wised up and buried it in a peanut butter spoon. Anyway, as I was saying, I prep for the treadmill by turning the TV on and finding something I want to watch with the sound off. Reruns of Law & Order, NCIS, and House are ideal, with HGTV renovations coming in a close second. You don't want the primo shows (Thursday-night NBC lineup, I'm looking at you, you sexy monkey) because the exercise will just ruin them. Once I've chosen my television program, it's time to get out the iPod. How anybody can exercise without an iPod is beyond me. I won't even consider working out if I don't have my iPod with me. Exercise without music is like breakfast without a Diet Coke. It's just not going to happen. With the TV and the iPod, I can usually stand to stay on the treadmill for about thirty minutes. Back when I was thinner--well, that's a stretch, let's say back when I was less fat--I got deluded into thinking I liked the treadmill and would stay on for an hour or more. Now it's an epic win if I even put my treadmill shoes on.

And that's why I'm writing a post on treadmilling. I've been letting the old girl lie fallow for a while. Over the next two weeks I'm going to try to muster the wherewithal to get back on. I'll let you know how it goes.